Whats Wrong with Sadness

???

Today I'm thankful for tears.

I think we try to avoid sadness-- I sure do.

We see it as a bad thing. But sadness is just an emotion, and we are very feeling-beings.

I've been avoiding it the last couple weeks...avoiding feeling. Too much to do.

Avoiding having to stop and take the time to take a heart-inventory check.

Busy-ness = no time for sadness...?

Nope, see the problem with that is its still there. Just gets worse, builds up. And then you get days like today with a few all-the-sudden crying spells that are triggered by nothing in particular, or just very small things.

So, I need a reality check.

I've realized that some of my most intimate, sweet times with the Lord have been in some of my saddest moments.
Why?
Because when my sadness/anxiety finally reaches the point of overflowing, I am unable to go to the thing that I normally would for temporary satisfaction and happiness.

My heart, pleading. I have no choice but to turn to Jesus.
No work out...
No food...
No artwork...
No song...
No facebook...
No drink....
No text....
No person...
No man...
will help this time.
I just need Jesus.

I need to quiet my heart and just let myself cry.

Dramatic and sensitive? Maybe.
Real? Very.

What's wrong with sadness?
Nothing.

Life is hard. 
It could always be harder... this I know, but its so easy to forget and be stuck in my own little world where my problems are the center of the universe. Selfish? Quite. Real? Extremely.

It could always be harder.

Busy-ness.
brokenness.
lonliness.
hearteache.
death- both physically and spiritually.
separation.
emptiness.
dysfunction.
conflict.
darkness.
seasons.
                               It could always be harder.

But hearing that sometimes doesn't help in the moment of deep sadness.
So, I choose to embrace it, I 'spose.

I'm thankful for tears today.

When some of the women I love and care for allow me to see them cry, I always feel overwhelmed by their sweet delicate beauty.

Why are we so embarrassed to cry in front of other people?

There's something so sad, but yet so sweet about tears.

                             They are so real.
No room for masks in this space. I'm thankful for that.

Beautiful.

Something so lovely.





^9-10 God's a safe-house for the battered,
      a sanctuary during bad times.
   The moment you arrive, you relax;
      you're never sorry you knocked. 

Psalm 9:9-10 

6 I'm tired of all this - so tired. My bed has been floating forty days and nights On the flood of my tears. My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears. 7 The sockets of my eyes are black holes; nearly blind, I squint and grope. 

Psalm 6:6-7
Dear Jesus,
^3-5 You're my cave to hide in,
      my cliff to climb.
   Be my safe leader,
      be my true mountain guide.
   Free me from hidden traps;
      I want to hide in you.
   I've put my life in your hands.
      You won't drop me,
      you'll never let me down. 
Psalm 31:3-5

You turn my sadness into dancing...


^11-12 You did it: you changed wild lament
      into whirling dance;
   You ripped off my black mourning band
      and decked me with wildflowers.
   I'm about to burst with song;
      I can't keep quiet about you.
   God, my God,
      I can't thank you enough. 
Psalm 30:11-12

I love simple. and i love lovely.

Ricky and I are so excited to have a home full of colors....

here's some eye-candy for the lovers of color

 So close to our wedding color pallet, love it.

 Lime makes everything better.

Sweet girl :)

I pray whatever emotion you feel today, you embrace it and allow God to do what He wills with it.

Mini Fall Treats

I found this super easy and fun recipe  to these ridiculously cute bite-size mini caramel apples a couple weeks ago when I was making a bulletin board for my residents on fall treats. I've been so excited to make them and finally did for my mom's Halloween party!  

They are so stinkin' cute.

I've always loooved caramel apples, but somehow they are always too big for me to finish. So this is really exciting hehe :P

So colorful! 

You can also use different things like coconut or nuts to get different tastes and looks, but I liked this one.

 You cut small bites out of an apple using a melon baller... however the one I was using was pretty old and snapped.... so I had to use just the very end of it to cut my pieces out...less convenient, but no problemo :)

The instructions doesn't mention this, but before you melt the chocolate to dip your pieces in, cut out your bites and have them ready to be dipped and swirled in the chocolate. The chocolate hardens pretty quickly (I found out the hard way). Okay, so I'm new to this kitchen thing, and learning as I go 

but I love it!!

Yum!

 I love the colorful mess :)

Put them on a fun tray, and let them chill til the party starts :) Yippie!

Art for a poor college student...

 Art...I really dig it. 

However I don't have the means to buy tons and tons of super sweet crafty things all the time. So, I must improvise :)

Here's some fun little lamps I put together.... all for a gran total of about $1.00..... ;)

 Before.....

After........

I made this flower out of an old yellow shirt that I couldn't remember wearing within the last 2 years. So I cut it up and made something new out of something quite old. :)

I got 2 plain white lamp shades last summer at a garage sale... for like 50 cents or something. I just knew I would want to use them for something someday...

 Then I added a little color and a little love :) 
Aren't these colors fun? I love green and yellow :) They may or may not be my wedding colors ;)








 I found some different (and quite random) things to use as the stand of the lamp....turned a refrigerator and a laundry basket flipped upside down with a sheet over it into night stands.....  and voila! 

There we go. Some color, some funk and some fun for the bare corners of my RA dorm room. :)

a good question...

Buttons

and other things of the clever-artsy sort,
are a breath of fresh air to my busy and assignment after assignment-bound eyes ears and mind.
A sweet and simple pick-me-up.

My dear friend Emily Ancinec and I share a very similar passion for art...thanks for the buttons link sweet friend :)


I particularly like these...

 

Okay, even if you're not a button-kinda-girl (or guy), don't these just put a little smile on your face?

Whats your pick-me-up on a homework or work-filled tired night?

PS
Side note on our engagement:

Now that its 12:06, and officially September 20, there are 249 days left until I marry my best friend, God willing! Not that I'm counting or anything. ;)

Will you marry me?

What sweet, humble words.

Where I was at before that moment: 

-I knew Ricky was a blessing from the Lord.

-I knew I desired to marry him.
-I prayed for patience and a humble heart.
-I wanted to enjoy every moment with him...learning how to live in the present.

-I knew it was getting harder to not kiss someone I care so deeply for and am so attracted to.

-I was finding joy in desiring to learn new things about him.
-I knew that I love him like I have never loved anyone.
-I finally had realized that my definition of love had been slowly evolving. Loving someone was no longer a "fun, giddy feeling", or finding someone who made me happy and fulfilled my needs, like I had thought it was for so long when I was growing up. To me, really loving someone means loving them when its not easy to love them. Choosing to act out of love even when I don't feel in a lovey mood. Choosing to watch my tone when I speak to him (I have a habit of speaking on impulse and being snappy...yowzas!). Choosing to put someone before myself. Loving someone is going the 100....no matter what you get back. It turns out, this is more rewarding then I could have ever imagined.

Of course, I love the important, fun, easy-to-love things about Ricky too...
His joy, His laughter, his heart of a servant, his passion for the Lord, his eagerness to learn, his humility as a leader, his strength, his dashingly good looks ;)
.... But these things, I have learned, are not the determining factors of the way, and the conditions of my love for him. This took a long time for me to learn and I'm still not perfect at it, and I know I won't ever be. But God has shown me patiently and lovingly what it means to decide to love Ricky every day and to act on that.

July 25, 2011...the big day!
I was told by my boyfriend Ricky (now fiance!...wow, still getting used to that!) that we were going on a bike ride...I had no idea what kind of bike ride this would be!

I got to the front desk of his residence hall where he had told me to meet him, and our sweet friend Allie who was working the front desk gave me a backpack with an envelope in the front pocket (thanks for having a part in this miss Allie!!).
What I found was an adventurous scavenger hunt to be had that Ricky had created and set up himself! Each envelope included a clue to the next checkpoint, and a letter from one of my best friends filled with joy, love, and encouragement.

The last clue lead me to the university hill on the campus Golf course, where Ricky and I had concluded our first date as we watched the sunrise- nearly two years ago!

There he was. I ran towards him with a nervous, excited heart, and very shaky knees out of the excitement of the moment!! Oh boy oh boy oh boy!
A humble drop to the knee, a sweet and simply beautiful ring for my little finger, and a tackle-hug from me to my man. And then....my Yes to him.
We were greeted by some sweet women on the golf course who were cheering and clapping for us and took pictures for us!

It was a beautiful moment.

Since that day, I have had so many thoughts, growth, emotions, fears, encouraging words from friends and loved ones, revelations.....the list goes on.

I am excited to share some of these things I have been learning and feeling! And to journey a long side so many of you! So, as the external processor that I am, I would love to share, and also hear your thoughts. I'm sure my definition of love will grow, just as our love will as we learn and grow together.

My curious question lately for my friends: How do you define love?

Lately

art has been bringing me near to tears.

just hormones?

Maybe.

But maybe not :)

I have found a hidden world of people like me 

(but so sweetly unique in every form) 

that get that lump in their throat and goosebumps 

just from a picture. 

Its my sunshine during a rainy season. 

Its my sunshine I can't wait to go on adventures searching for.

Always wanted a slide in my house when I was little... I finally found it!

 "Color...color...coloriscious"

My sister.

Isn't she just a sweet sight for sore eyes? :)

 oh, how sweet it is to be Loved by You. 

Psalm 37:4

How do you find sunshine during endless rain?